Sunday, October 20, 2013

You Might Be a Low Carber If......

I've always found the " You might be a _____  if" things to be hilarious.  Because whatever that blank is.....teacher, nurse, stay at home mom, crafter.....whatever,  when you read the lists you can't help but keep repeating YES over and over in your head. 

That's why I thought it would be funny to do a Low Carb version.  They might not all apply to you.....but I'm pretty sure at least one or two will

*Mauve and burgundy have become your favorite colors

*No matter how many times you explain that "sugar is sugar" people still don't understand why you don't eat bananas because they're "healthy"

*You say things like "I peed pink" excitedly

* You've eaten COUNTLESS bunless burgers at restaurants and social gatherings

*You can blurt out the brands with the lowest carbs in spaghetti sauce, salad dressings, enchilada sauce, and hot dogs at the drop of a hat

*You have to explain to people repeatedly that "it's not just meat and cheese"

* You've tried almost every flavor of pork rind on the market

*Your pantry is now relatively empty due to the lack of cereals, chips, crackers, and other carby items while things are falling out of your refrigerator every time you open the door

*No matter how often you sweep you can always find cauliflower somewhere on your kitchen floor.  Is it just me or does that shit get freaking EVERYWHERE??

*Bacon.   Need I say more?

*You feel the need to excuse the smell of cauliflower every time you have a guest to your house....especially the unexpected ones.  Add hard boiled egg smell to that one too

*You went through a serious Mug Muffin and Mug Cake phase

*You could live off Quest bars

*You don't worry about being stranded on a desert island because you know you could survive off nothing but coconuts

*You think Wheat Belly is one of the best books ever written

*You realize you don't need to keep Gas X in your medicine cabinet anymore

*Russel Stovers sugar free candies have made you shit your brains out on more than one occassion

*You shudder passing the Russel Stovers in the store now and vow to never go on a bender again

* If you know how to work a hidden carb calculator

*You feel like this

* You think Ricky Martin should change his song to Livin La Vida Low Carb

*All your friends know that when they come to your house BYOB means bring your own buns

* A trip to a market (Whole Foods, Sprouts etc) is your equivalent to being a kid in a candy store.  Bulk bins, scoops,.....yes!!  But instead of candy you're getting almond flour and nuts

*You have as much respect and admiration for Dr. Atkins as other people do for our founding fathers, prophets, and The Pope

Do you have any to add?  Leave them in the comments...I'd love to see them! 


No comments:

Post a Comment