Sunday, January 28, 2018

The Busy Broads Bangin' Buys #1

I'm not sure if anyone is even remotely interested or not, but I'm going to start a new series on the blog highlighting things I deem as bangin" buys

It could be things I've actually bought myself, things I might want to remember for the future, items I think blog readers may find useful,  a good deal, or any combination of the 4! 

First up......

Vidal Sassoon ColorFinity Dry Shampoo for Dark Hair

When I saw this at 99c Only I threw it in my basket because dry shampoo has replaced milk and bread as a staple in my life

I am always looking for a better brand at a cheaper price...and OMG this is the best one yet!!  I've tried at least 7 kinds by now and this one wins for me hands down.  It is light and in both scent and weight.  Your hair does not get weighed down or chalky feeling at all as some have left my hair feeling like a hay bail.  My hair stays silky and grease free without smelling like old lady floral perfume. And because it is specially formulated for dark hair, there is no white residue left behind for me to try and brush out or sleep on and hope it goes away by morning.  I just love it!  I went back and stocked up on 6 more cans just to be safe because you never know how long something will last in the dollar stores.  I looked online for comparison and I got those 7 cans for the price of ONE at regular retail price.  You can't beat that!

Geometric Candle Holder

This candleholder was also at 99c Only (but costs $1.99).  It's a very simple design that could easily be spray painted to fit your décor or crafted into something else (maybe for succulents or something like that)

Massaging Glove

I got this for my mom when I was putting together her Christmas stocking back in December.  I got her a purple one for $1.99 and figured even if it didn't work too well it wasn't that big of a loss.  Just 2 weeks ago I was at her house and tried it out and loved it so much I went back and got one for myself. 

The back side has straps for you to keep it on your hand and you simply glide it over your body and the small balls roll. It works perfectly for my calves that are always tightening up on me and giving me a lot of pain and Charlie horses.  (it also doesn't feel too shabby rolled over your butt either)

Cookie Butters and Chocolate Spreads

I do shop at other places besides 99C Only....promise.....but they've done it again!  I came across these cute little jars of different flavored cookie butters and chocolate spreads.  I've never had cookie butter myself, but I know it has quite the cult following.  I think this would be great for putting together a gift basket or some sort of care package

Cool Birthday Candles

I don't know about you, but when I think of a place to go shopping for birthday candles Sprouts Farmers Market doesn't enter my mind at all.  But apparently it should!  Their impressive birthday candle collection happened to catch my eye.  I'm filing this one away for future reference for sure

Zevia Brand Ginger Beer

This has probably been around a while now and I just didn't know it.  I used to drink Zevia soda quite a bit back in the day, but not so much in the last 3 years or so.  I LOVE Moscow Mules, so it's pretty cool that there is a non sucralose/aspartame/cane sugar option now for all the low carb mule lovers of the world

Bangin' Buys #1 is in the books.  Or I guess on the interwebs....  Any of these items catch your eye too?

Sunday, January 7, 2018

If ONE More Person Asks Me When I Am Going to Have a Baby.....

 The Boy just turned 30. I just turned 28.  We've been married for 6 years, together just under 9. 
 We have reared 2 of those most wonderful felines to ever grace this planet....but none of the human species. So as you can probably imagine with all those little facts combined, we get a lot of   "So when are you having a baby????" 

How many times do you think we (ME, as the woman really gets the brunt of it) have heard that?  Well, take that number you just said and multiply it by 403 and you'll have roughly the right count....and my god does it get OLD!  I know we aren't alone in this, but frankly I'm tired of it and I feel compelled to speak up about it. The thing is, I know not a single person means any harm when they ask the question.  I know they aren't trying to upset me, but what they don't understand is that when you are constantly hearing it from someone from each facet of your life it becomes overwhelmingly annoying.

I have been thinking about writing this for about a year now and how ironic was it that the day after I really started to plan it out in my head this post came up in my Facebook memories

So yea.....I was "that" person who lost their ever lovin mind on happens and I'm not even ashamed of it.  I remember wanting to sit down immediately and write a blog post.  It probably worked out for the best that I didn't.  I've had a chance to calm down from the initial trigger (the passing of a year will do that for ya) and really think about how I would want to explain it without (hopefully) sounding like a lunatic. 

"If you wait until you feel ready, you'll never have kids"

"No time is the right time"

Duuuude.  Every time someone says this to me it takes everything in my power not to ask them if they think they are the first person to bestow such profound "wisdom" on me  😒  I've heard it a million times people....a million! And the few times I have told them that their response goes a little something like this.....

         "that's because it's true!"  

Same dialogue, different people.  I just think it's so funny that people think I haven't heard it before.  Or that coming from them the 786th time is going to make the little light bulb appear over my head and I'll say "Gosh, you are right!!" and then ask The Boy to meet me in my sisters laundry room and impregnate me right then and there at the family function. that last line may have been a little much, but really this whole thing is just a little much.

The thing is, I get the point they are trying to make.  I know there is no perfect time.  I get you never feel 100% ready....I'm not a complete idiot believe it or not.(actually, can you just believe it please?) But there's also such thing as not getting yourself into something that you don't feel ready for.  Basically you have to find the middle between those two opposite feelings and finding that middle is for me to worry about and not for you to tell me when to get there.


 This is another great one that very much still applies to the one above.  When I bring up that I don't feel financially ready I get alot of 

"if people waited to be able to afford kids they would never have them"  

Again, I constantly feel the need to point out that I get the principle behind what they are saying.....but my god....shame on me for wanting to feel like I can properly support my kids. What the hell am I thinking? I've seen people have kids repeatedly that they can't afford and I have no desire to do that to myself or the children.

It's not so much the day to day expenses that scare me.  I feel like you can  move things around, cut back on some things, change a few habitsvto buy the food and diapers etc.  What really scares me is the large expenses like daycare.  You know what....daycare in itself is such a big thing let me just go ahead and give it it's own section......


Have you seen the cost of daycare these days? Holy crap!!! I don't know about you, but I am not able to just shit out anywhere between $500-$1,000 a month with just 9 months preparation.  Not unless I hit the lottery big or sell some organs.  It's a HUGE expense that you have to be ready for.  Then there's also the aspect of finding a place/person that you can trust. It's not like picking a restaurant out for dinner (and I struggle to even do that!)  It's a really big deal.

I have had The Boys parents and even my sister that now stays home mention that they could watch the baby....but even that brings me a huge level of stress.  I have seen situations like this with grandparents watching the kids go badly enough times to make it worrisome
  •  One girls in-laws repeatedly said they couldn't wait for her to get pregnant and that as soon as she did, the mother in-law would quit her job to stay home and watch the baby.  About half way through the pregnancy she was still working and then ended up admitting she no longer planned to quit and would not be able to watch the baby.

  • In another instance, the mother of the girl was the one to watch her child while she worked.  Her mom never did complain about it, but when she decided to quit her job and stay home herself after about 9 months her mothers response was "oh GOOD!!!"  So while she had never actually complained about it, she had grown unhappy in the situation and was relieved for it to be ending.  I'm sure the reason she never spoke up about it was because she probably felt guilty because she had offered the babysitting herself.  Imagine though how bad the situation could have potentially gotten 
Basically I think far too often grandparents get caught up in the fantasy of having grandchildren and seem to forget that babies are a lot of damn work.  That watching them day in and day out isn't as magical as it sounds and is very different than just getting to be grandma and grandpa.  It's a HUGE commitment that you have to be completely ready for or it could turn out horribly for everyone involved.

Not to mention that then you are having to work around the schedules of other peoples lives.  The one and ONLY advantage in my eyes of an actual daycare business is that there are very set days and hours and multiple employees for coverage.  When you choose a person in their home you have to work around their schedules too.  If they take off on a week long vacation you have to find someone else in the meantime.  Or if they get sick....whatever it is.  It can have you scrambling to find a Plan B.

The Body Commitment  

One of my big triggers for the above mentioned Facebook rant was that a family member commented to my father inlaw that now that he was retired he needed to sit down that son if his and tell him it's about time he give him some grandchildren. Well The Boy can't give his parents a grandchild on his own, and unless he was insinuating The Boy knock up someone else I'm going to assume he was referring to me.  Let's face it, having a baby is a WAY bigger deal for the woman than the man.  Sorry guys....just is.  We not only have to deal with all the changes to our body and possible misery and possible health issues of being pregnant, then there's the birth and recovery, and lastly breast feeding. I hope to be lucky enough to breast feed as long as makes sense and works, so once you put all of it together you're looking at a year and a half to two year commitment.  Tack on some more time if you need to lose baby weight afterward too.  So while you might think it's my duty to give everyone around me a baby to love on and adore, it's a big commitment that I need to be ready for and won't rush into just to appease those who think it's "time."


A year ago when the shit really hit the fan on this topic and revved me up, The Boy was working a horrendous schedule.  He had been working 6-7 days a week for 3 months straight and 12-15 hour days were the average. I specifically remember that just 2 weeks earlier was the first time we had been out in public together at all in that time (and it was meeting up at a Waffle House at 3am after his shift) The Boy himself was making comments about wanting a baby sooner rather than later, but I had to tell him that I didn't see it happening anytime soon.  If he even got to the point of having 2 days off, because of the nature of his job they would be during the week.  I was (and still am) off on the weekend.  When would we ever get to be a family together?  I get doing what you have to do when you're in it and getting by.  I've been there and done that. But I'm not looking to put myself into a situation where going in I know it's bad if I don't have to.  I refuse to feel like a single mom and never get to feel like a family.

A year later his schedule is getting better at his new job.  Over the last few months he has had better days off than he has had in 2 years and we have been seeing each other a lot more....which is great! It is a definite step in the right direction.  I just need some more time put in at this job and proof of stability before I go jumping in.  We have had a terrible two years where he has lost his jobs unexpectedly at 2 different places (another story for another day).  I'm sure you can imagine how this would give me anxiety and for someone whose personality depends on the feeling of security, it has been quite a struggle for me.  I need more time to feel secure and settled before taking such a huge life step.

Since were just talking about jobs, let's dive into that topic a little deeper too.  After being at the same job for 7 years, I just started at a new company about 4 months ago.  I'm starting back at square one with vacation time so I will need time to build that back up for any kind of maternity leave.  People don't think about the fact that besides the expenses of bringing a human into the world, you also have to be able to afford to stay home if you don't have paid maternity leave (which I don't know anyone who does)  Most people around me only seem to be able to afford 6-8 weeks before being forced to return to work with no time left in their bank.  Then when their kids get sick they are in a tough spot with trying to stay home with them without having the time, or never being able to really accrue much before needing to use it again. And once you have kids you never know what is going to happen.  I mean I know you NEVER really know what is going to happen, but the more lives you bring into the equation the harder it becomes. You never know when they are going to get sick, hurt, whatever.  How often will you have to leave work early or call in all together.  Worst case scenario I've seen it cost people their jobs.  Best case I've seen it create tension and awkwardness with their employer and/or coworkers.  

The Difference Between "when" and "do"

Like I said in the very first paragraph, I know people don't mean any harm when they ask "When are you going to have a baby?"  but I want them to better understand how it can make someone feel.  It's very presumptuous and borderline rude.  Like asking an unmarried woman "When are going to get married???"  Just don't.

  The better question would be "Do you want to have kids?"  I have NO problem at all when people ask me that.  That feels like just a regular question between two people.  It doesn't have an underlying expectation.  It's simply an honest question with a much better delivery.

So think about this the next time you ask a "when" question and see if there is a better way to phrase it.  It could make all the difference.

You Never Know What Is Going On In Peoples Lives

Another reason you might want to keep your mouth shut when it comes to people having kids is  that you never know what is going on in other peoples lives.  

They could desperately want children but be struggling with a fertility.  Possibly running out of money and/or options to make their dream come true.

They could be completely financially unable to even go down that road to begin with...whether naturally or through IVF.  I'm sure people don't exactly walk around saying "I want kids so badly but I'm broke as hell"

Their relationship could be in a fragile state.  Three years ago The Boy and I were in a bad place and quietly spent an entire year in therapy working to save our marriage. Every time I got the "When are you going to have a baby" question during that time I had to fight back tears.  It was a painful reminder of the state of our relationship and how far we were from that.  Six months out of that year I would call the therapy intense.  With such intense weekly therapy and emotions on our hands as it was, we weren't publicly announcing our struggle as we really didn't need the added pressure and opinions of everyone around us.  The baby question really cut me deep during such an emotional time in my life. (I'm happy to say we are in a much MUCH better place now)

Moral here....we all have struggles that not everyone needs to know about all the time.  Your words could hurt without you even knowing or meaning to.  Just be careful and empathetic towards those around you.

Overall....Can we Just Acknowledge That It's a HUGE Fucking Step

Seriously though....can we just acknowledge that?  It's so easy for the outsiders to romanticize it.  I'm not saying having kids won't be rewarding and amazing.  I'm sure it will be...I have no doubts about that.  I know I'll have them snuggled up on my chest as a newborn and shed a tear in disbelief that this cute, tiny, little human is mine.  I know the sound of their laugh will make me melt and that watching them develop a personality will be one of the most fun things I'll ever get to watch.  I know all this.....  But let's not forget what comes with it.  Long sleepless nights, sickness and injuries, self doubt, fear, guilt, financial hardships, stress,...the list goes on and on.  I'm not trying to make having kids sound like the worst thing on the planet at all.  I just want people to recognize that it is a huge lifelong responsibility.  You are in charge of raising a productive member of society for Christ sake!! That's kind of a big deal.....and the people doing it need to feel ready for all of that.  They sure as hell don't need you pushing YOUR expectations, timelines, or opinions onto them. Be mindful of what you say to others.

That is all.

Saturday, January 6, 2018

My Goals for 2018

Some people are anti new year resolutions. They can get pretty attitud-y about it and be overall negative and unsupportive of the people who make them....but consider this:

I have started,bailed, and failed at things at all times of why be so judgmental of the goals made at the beginning of the year?  Because you think it's too cliche? Maybe it is....but who cares! A goal is a goal and we shouldn't hate on it whether it's made in January or June.  Know what I'm saying?

I never used to set goals at the beginning of the year, but I have the last couples years because I really do like the "fresh start" feeling that comes with the new year.  Something about having 12 months ahead to get them done helps it feel less daunting for whatever reason. And for me the first quarter of the year is overall less hectic and an easier time for me to focus on things than later in the year when the craziness picks up.  The timing just feels right.  So here are my personal goals for the year

1.  I figure I will just start out with the ones that will make you roll your eyes first and get them over with.  Yes.....I want to lose weight.  But instead of setting a goal related to a weight number, I'm calling this one "Fix My Brain When It Comes To Food."  My  weight has been a struggle for years, but for a good chunk of time there, about 3 1/2 years I had it well under control and I was at my healthiest in every sense.  With food, with exercise, with my mindset....I just felt good.  Then I had 3 very taxing years and all that went out the window and I lost the strength and self awareness I once had.  I need to get that back which means more than just a "diet."  I have some serious work to do but I feel more ready than I have in years to do it

2. Feel Good in a Swimsuit by Summer.  Yup.....I'm that girl setting a goal in January that has to do with swimwear.  It might sound cliche, basic, and a little annoying....but notice I left it pretty vague.  I'm not trying to get a hot "bikini body".....that ship has sailed and I'm pretty sure even sunk to the bottom of the ocean somewhere.  I'm over it.  Wearing a bikini isn't something I give two craps about anymore.  In fact I don't have any kind of swimsuit picked out at all as a goal.  All I want is to be able to go swimming at my sisters house and not feel like a pale sausage busting out of it's casing.  That's it.

3. Move My Ass-  Last one regarding weight loss.  I just need to move my ass more.  I know myself well enough to know that if I say "work out 4 times a week" that I will bail quickly because I put too much pressure on myself with a number.(plus I hate working LOATHE it)  The first week that ends that I only worked out once or twice I will plunge deep into "fuck it" mode and never start back up again.  Another part of fixing my brain that I need to work on....SO....I am setting a basic goal of just moving more. My one fear is that it is not specific enough so I think I might have to develop this one a bit more.  I need to find that middle ground of not pushing so hard I give up quickly, but also not leaving it so open ended I never even do it.  Any suggestions?

4. Develop a Better Cleaning & Organization  Plan-  So here's the thing, I have realized I need to create better structure for myself.  I tend to not keep up with things very well and then it becomes this huge, massive, daunting project.  I'm trying to get better at keeping up with organization and house cleaning so that it doesn't always have to turn into a whole freakin day of cleaning where I'm pissed off that an entire day off of work was spent doing chores. Like above, I know that if I make a daily cleaning list that I am likely to bail once I miss a day or 2.  My thoughts to avoid this is to create both a monthly and weekly cleaning list that I can hang for both me and The Boy to work on at any given time.  I need to SEE it because I am super visual and I also respond much better to lists.  I love the feeling of physically marking something gives me a feeling of accomplishment.  So my goal is to have this system set in place by mid February so we can keep up with life better  overall in small chunks of time.

5. Downsize-  This isn't referring to where we live....1,100 sq ft. is small enough as it is..Haha!  I need to get more ruthless and get rid of a bunch of crap.  It isn't easy for a person who likes to craft, thrift shop etc.  I see the potential in almost anything and will hang onto it forever.  The problem is I need to actually do something with it in a reasonable amount of time or just get rid of it.  The next problem is that I'm really sentimental.  I attach memories to things so I will feel guilt in getting rid of things....but some of it has got to go!

6. Make a Plan for my School Loan Debt-  I'm not going to get into all the details about my student loan debt.  Not going to talk about how I regret my choice of school every day of my life. How it has financially crippled me for years and years to come.  How it is so far the biggest mistake of my 28 years on this earth....nope.....not gonna go there. We would be here until 2019. But this year I need to work up some sort of plan.  I have put it on the back burner for a while because talking and thinking about it just makes me angry all over I just make the multitude of payments monthly and try to move on for another 30 days.  It's time to finally face it.  By this summer I want to develop some sort of plan. I'm hoping consolidation will help

7.  Moisturize!!-  This one might seem silly, but it's a goal I have that I'm not going to leave out just because it sounds stupid.  I am not super girly and don't keep up with skin regimens at all.  I've never really liked the feeling of lotion either so that's a big reason.  I hate how it lingers on your skin...uck!  I'll take suggestions on the best moisturizer that doesn't leave you feeling sticky and greasy if you have them.  I just know I need to start getting better at this before I get older.  I'm already looking at my hands and legs and thinking "yeesh!" so that's probably not a good sign.  I don't want to look like cheap dollar store crepe paper streamers by 35.   

And coming from a white girl...I think this is hilarious and true. (the truest things are always the funniest)

Aging just isn't really on our side and a little extra moisturizer wouldn't hurt me.

8. Read at Least 8 Books- In reality I would like to read much more than 8 but I kept the number low to keep it realistic for the crazy times.  I love to thrift books but I have a pile of them I haven't read yet...13 to be exact! So while I hope I read all of them this year I will be happy to get to 8.  I love to read but have gotten so used to plopping my ass down in front of Netflix or scrolling, scrolling, scrolling on my phone that I have gotten away from it completely. 

9. Make at Least 1k in Side Money- This refers to any money made outside my regular 9-5 job (7-3:30 if you want get all technical and shit)  Whether it be from blogging, selling off old items, reselling good finds, crafts....whatever.  I kept it lower at 1k because I have never kept track before and I have no clue what is realistic.  I figured this would get me to pay attention more and open the door for bigger goals the next year

So I'm going to be a rebel and leave my goals at 9.  I'm not going to round it out to an even 10 just for the sake of it....even thought I'm fighting the urge as I type.  I do have a few more goals but they are more specific to blogging and not personal goals. I don't feel like they fit here so 9 goals it is!

Tell me some of your goals for the year....I would love to hear about some other than my own.  I'm sick of mine already! (kidding....kinda)